“Watch out! Don’t do your good deeds publicly, to be admired by others, for you will lose the reward from your Father in heaven. When you give to someone in need, don’t do as the hypocrites do—blowing trumpets in the synagogues and streets to call attention to their acts of charity! I tell you the truth, they have received all the reward they will ever get. ”
I’ll never forget that day. I’d just received an email from the university’s student ministry office that as far as I knew included a big mistake. It read, “You have been selected as the Bass Player and main Worship Leader for the George Fox University Chapel Band.” The Chapel Band was the student lead worship group that played at all chapels and various events for the university, including around the community, often operating as a liaison between the university and local churches in town. This was a big deal. The problem, I never auditioned to be the lead singer/worship leader.
I’d auditioned to be the bass player because everyone knows that the bass player is the most important member of any band (wink, wink!). The instrumental auditions happened after the vocal auditions, so when we instrumentalists came into the room they asked if anyone would be willing to sing along while everyone rotated through their auditions, I volunteered. Two days later I received that email.
Never had I felt so unprepared for anything in my life. I was excited about the opportunity to play the bass, but I was extremely intimated and overwhelmed at the idea of singing in front of so many people, and not only singing, but helping to lead people into worship. So, I did the only thing I knew how to do at the time, pray.
The next day I went into the small prayer chapel on campus and I made sure to visit while no one else was inside, I wanted to be alone. I laid down on the ground and started to pray, “God, why did this happen? I honestly feel as though I have no idea what I’m doing. I don’t know what else to say, but I’m desperate for your help.” God’s Spirit comforted me that evening. I stayed in that prayer chapel for a long time. When I left, I walked away feeling confident that God was with me - even if I was still scared out of my mind.
As I look back on that story, I’m thankful that the unexpectedness of the situation drove me to prayer and reliance on God. There have been many times over the years when I’ve entered a situation feeling confident in my knowledge, experience, or skill. That approach rarely leads me to complete reliance on God. In fact, it leads me in the opposite direction, Look at me! Look at what I can do … “for they have received all the reward they will ever get (Matt 6:5).”
I look back on those days and see myself as not wearing any masks. I couldn’t manufacture confidence, experience, or skill in something I’d not done before. Rarely had I been in front of that many people on a stage, leading a band, and asking people to give their hearts more fully to Jesus. I look back on those days and see a version of myself who was not “blowing trumpets in the synagogues” or “calling attention to acts of charity” but simply open to God - what other choice did I have?!
All these reflections lead me to ask some hard questions here and now. Am I still desperate for God’s help in my current context and calling? Am I as honest, as I was back then, about my need for God’s help and direction in my daily life? Am I wearing any masks (spiritually speaking!) trying to look capable, competent, and skilled, and is there alinement between my inner life and outward actions? We are reminded in this passage that God sees everything and I want my reward to be eternal and everlasting. I want my reward to be God himself. How about you?